Saturday, July 30, 2011

Desire vs. Doing

"For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight to do God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. How wretched I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!" Romans 7:18b-25a

I started working part time on July 1st. I envisioned the amazing time of productivity I would have each afternoon, getting all the chores done and having a hot meal on the table by the time Nate walked through the door....envision June Cleaver, and that's close to what I was planning.  Instead, I have struggled with developing any sort of routine. Although, I have developed the habit of "deserving" a snack when I get home and watching all sorts of TV. And this is the habit that I need to break, immediately. The sermon series at church this month has been entitled "Losing our 'buts' - getting rid of the excuses we use in life." There was a great sermon a couple of weeks ago as part of the series on habits called "But I just can't stop." Taking what I learned from that sermon, I know I need to replace the bad habit I have developed with something good. That shouldn't be hard to do. It's not like there isn't plenty to do around the house. With two furry children that shed on a fairly continual basis, I could vacuum and sweep and mop everyday and still never catch up. There are always errands to run, laundry to do, and who can forget that I'm supposed to be practicing the training we are learning in class with Lucy!  So, there is lots to replace it with, but I honestly need something that is going to be as satisfying as eating a snack and as relaxing and rejuvenating as vegetating. And there's the rub. I need to understand/figure out what I am using the snack to satisfy. Am I truly hungry? If so, then why won't grapes or an apple suffice? Why do I always reach for the high calorie snack that has the caloric intake of a meal? I know there is something more to it than just being hungry. I mentioned in a previous post how I have been convicted lately about my prayer life, or lack there of, and although I'm doing better at it, I could devote that period of time to prayer and praise. I love playing the piano and singing, and yet do it rarely. But I believe that is the replacement. Playing the piano and singing fills my thirsty soul and I believe that is what I am trying to do with food right now. So, I make a commitment to you, dear reader, that starting today, July 30, 2011, I will take time each day to play the piano and sing instead of turning to food. I will take the time to be in prayer instead of watching tv mindlessly. And as I continue to practice replacing the bad habits with the good, I will be improving my attitude, improving my outlook, and hopefully start to live out more effectively and productively, according to 2 Peter 1:8.

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