Winter

It's been awhile. I feel as though I have been in hibernation and am now just beginning to wake to spring. Winter, for me, is a difficult time. It's not just a season of cold temperatures, it's a time of depression and avoidance. I experience these times of "winter" not only in the cold weather months, but there are other times in my life, when I am in a spiritual or emotional winter. I have been in one of those since the marathon. So many people come off of a marathon, or a similar achievement, and are soaring - believing they can accomplish anything. I finished the marathon and all I heard in my head was ridicule and judgement. I know it's crazy. I  know I should view finishing the marathon as a major accomplishment - but I don't. I had several goals attached to the marathon that weren't met - and so internally, I have been fighting with the demons of "not good enough." You know, those constant thoughts that you haven't done enough, what you've accomplished isn't good enough, etc.

Since the marathon, I have been off my eating plan, off my exercise plan, just plain off. And, I have gained the weight that comes with such behavior. It's now April 4th.

I have hopes for the Summer. Hopes that involve swim suits and beaches and sunshine. These hopes do not have room for a poor self esteem and self deprecation. These hopes involve positive thinking, laughter, and joy. That's what hope is all about, right?

So, there is no room for winter anymore. No matter what the temperature is outside, internally, I am declaring it summer. I know that stating this and living this are two totally different things. I have allowed the negative thinking to take up residence and it has felt very much at home in my mind for the many months. To change my perception and cling to hope and not despair requires taking each step at a time and keeping my focus on Christ. Because Christ is Hope.

Choose Life

My dear cousin, Josh, has died. I've always said that I want to go "fast" when I die. And yet, being on the other side of a "fast" death, is agony. So many unanswered questions, so many unsaid "goodbyes" make such a passing difficult. There's a part of me that wants to shake a fist at God and say, "why him???" And yet, I'm reminded that each breath, each day is a gift. It's not promised. We tend to live as if it is expected. We have come to feel as if it is deserved. And yet scripture clearly says that life is a "fleeting vapor." (James 4:14)

The best thing I can think of to do is not live with the attitude that I deserve a day. I need to live as I believe - that life is precious. I think of what matters most and then think of how much time I give to what matters most. I watched a youtube interview that really made me pause and think about how I live my life. Evidently it's been out for several years, but I had never seen it before. As a Christian, after personally experiencing the aftermath of lives taken "too soon", my question to myself is, "What am I waiting for?" There are so many people in my life that do not have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. So many people I so dearly love haven't accepted Christ's gift of salvation. And I sit back and let precious days go by as if I've been guaranteed another. Fear of what my friends will think or if I'll even have friends anymore tends to stop me in my tracks. I justify this by saying the St. Francis of Assisi quote, "preach the gospel at all times and when necessary use words" and take on a holier than thou attitude like I believe that my life sufficiently points people to Christ. I wish that were the case, but I find that unlike Joe Pesci's character in "My Cousin Vinny" I blend in more than not. At work, a couple of weeks ago, I mentioned that I had lived in Haiti and when I was asked why, I explained that my parents were missionaries. The people I work with seemed surprised by this information and that has caused me to pause.  I didn't ask them why they were surprised. I guess I was too convicted  to find out if they just envision most missionaries having a 12 inch thick Bible thumping in their hands while wearing the largest cross necklace money can buy or if my lifestyle, my words, and my attitudes have not led anyone to deduce that I am a Christ follower.

Much to ponder as I prepare to gather with my family to say goodbye to an amazing man. I will miss you Josh Oltman (1975-2012).

Mantra

"God is good." I need to be reminded of that right now as I am unable to make sense of my cousin's continued suffering. He entered hospice yesterday and there's a part of me that keeps asking why. And the answer I get is "I am good." I honestly don't doubt it. I don't doubt that God has a plan. My belief has not wavered. But, I'm not happy about his choice of plan, I can tell you that. I don't doubt that God is good, but it hasn't stopped me from yelling at him a few times since hearing the diagnosis. I believe that I can truly believe that God's plan is good and still be angry about it. I don't know if that makes sense, but that dichotomy is where I am right now. It's almost like a child who deep down knows that they are loved dearly by their parent but is angry that their parent has not said or done what the child wants. I do feel a bit like stomping my feet and throwing a bit of a tantrum, I will admit that's crossed my mind. Instead I cry and beg and plead and cry some more and then whisper, "God is good. God has a plan" and rest in His arms of comfort.

Taking Stock

My cousin is sick.....really sick. And this has affected me in some ways that I never would have expected. I'm not one that is really huge on tradition. I'm not a keeper of stuff, so when my siblings and I discuss who gets what after mom and dad are gone (I know, slightly on the morbid side, but in our defense, our parents started the whole conversation) I'm not the one that wants the furniture, the pictures, etc. I haven't ever had an attachment to stuff...until now. This year, I made our family recipe for Danish Kringle. I've never made it before. I've never felt the pull to continue that tradition...until now. Now I'm baking it and giving it away as gifts - just like my mother does and her mother did. Now I want to become a crazy scrapbooker and take pictures of every moment - creating a pictorial history of the moments we have together. I am beginning to realize that stuff isn't just "stuff" when it belongs (ed) to someone you love. It represents them. It brings memories to the forefront. It matters. Life is precious. Life is fragile. I am realizing that more and more each day. I want to hold my family close. I want them to know how much I love them and and treasure them. And I want our family traditions to continue as strong as ever so that we can pass them down from generation to generation. I've taken stock and I want to live my life in such a way that what truly matters is always at the forefront of each and every day. This may not be entirely realistic, but I really want to try.

Thankful for Superman

I have difficulties looking at the big picture and problem solving my way out of a situation. I tend to get caught up in the moment, and seem to focus only on the problem and not be able to step back, take a deep breath, and use logic to figure out a solution. As the saying goes: "I can't find the forest because I'm lost in the trees."  Case in point:  The Oven.

Two days before Thanksgiving, the bake element on our oven burned out. I found a replacement element, read the directions online, and thought that I could do this on my own. As my husband had hurt his back the week prior, I thought that if I fixed it, that would be one thing he wouldn't have to do and possibly hurt his back further. It seemed easy. I pulled out the old element, and noticed right away that the connecters of the new element were shaped differently than the old. Because the manufacturer said that this was an appropriate replacement, I continued, thinking that it would not be a huge deal. However, I couldn't fit the connecters into the back of the oven. And, when I pulled it back out after getting it stuck, the oven wires were disconnected and were no longer in the oven cavity. They were lost in the abyss also known as the back of the oven. A rational person would have stepped back and evaluated what they could do to retrieve said wires. I couldn't didn't do that.  I freaked out. Thinking that I had just destroyed the oven and thinking that I had just created a bigger problem than I had tried to fix, I fell apart. I cried, I yelled at the oven, I shook the oven (because of course, these actions always help a situation). When I finally was worn out from my emotional tirade, and our dog Lucy had stopped licking my tears away,I defeatedly told my husband what I had done. He very simply unscrewed the back of the oven and the wires were right there. He showed me there is no abyss in the back of the oven. Logic does win out. And the whole time he was showing me, I was thinking to myself, "why didn't I think of that?"

It reminded me of a story my mother tells about when I was young. I was running and pulling my toy dog (I think it was a dog) around the kitchen table. The toy got wrapped around the leg of the kitchen table. As the story goes, I threw a massive temper tantrum right there in the kitchen and kept yanking and yanking on that string. And as the story goes, my older brother, the problem solver of us all, swooped in and saved me by gently explaining how to unwind the toy from around the kitchen leg.

Hmmm.... Forty years later and I still need someone to swoop in and save the day.

The Quitter

They say you learn a lot about yourself when you are training for a marathon. I think that's true, but I've learned or actually, re-learned a lot about myself during training, during the race, and after the race was over. It's been a month and a half since I ran the Chicago Marathon. People said it would be "life changing" and "amazing" and I'd "never be the same." All I can look at is what I've experienced, and what I see frankly, I don't really like.

All I wanted to do before the marathon was quit. Don't get me wrong, I had bursts of inspiration, but training was hard and what I learned about myself is that I don't like hard. I'm sure that working hard for something and see it come to fruition is incredibly satisfying. I know it is, I've experienced it before. However, that isn't the road I tend to lean toward. That isn't my first choice in routes to take. I choose the easy route any time it comes available.

All I wanted to do during the marathon was quit. The only reason I didn't was because I feared it would take longer to reconnect with my family afterward than just continuing along the route marked before me. Once again, although it seemed like I was accomplishing something really difficult, it was the easiest route for me.

All I have done since the marathon is quit. Some holier than thou runner posted something on facebook saying that if people quit running after they run a marathon they aren't really runners.

I told myself that the first thing I'd do was go out and get a 26.2 bumper sticker. I have yet to get it. Why? Because I don't feel as if I accomplished anything. I guess that's what it comes down to. I ran for all sorts of reasons, but one thing that I expected was to be changed. I expected to come out of the training and the race a champion. Instead, I came out defeated. I didn't accomplish my goal to lose weight during training. I didn't have a changed pallet that made me only crave vegetables. My struggles remain the same, my goals remain aloof, and I feel completely defeated.

Waylaid Again!

Poison Oak is a pesky enemy. I was initially exposed to the nasty thing sometime between August 25 and August 28th, I believe. I only had a few minor bumps for the first week but I now have huge welts of bumps ( there are individual bumps that are part of huge welt like bumps) down my neck, the back of both legs, my shoulder, behind my ear, and under my arm. This morning I noticed more individual bumps popping up down my leg, arm, and torso. I decided that going to the doctor would be my best course of action and every Facebook authority was telling me I needed steroids. So, I went. And I walked out with a new cream, an order to avoid heat, take cool baths, use oatmeal soap, take benedryl twice a day, and to not ingest cashews, walnuts, mangoes, or gingko biloba for four weeks. What I didn't walk out with were steroids. Evidently, if I get it on my face, especially near the eyes, THEN I'm in business. However, although I think steroids would be beneficial, the thought of having this on my face is not a welcome idea. I'd really like to avoid that. The problem that is now in front of me is that when all of this blew up all over my body I had just completed the long run for the week in my continued marathon training. The bumps/welts/rash are stimulated by heat. Well, if you're at all familiar with running, you realize that your body temp rises quite considerably while participating in the sport. However, if I want to get rid of this mess fast, I need to avoid it. The marathon is in three weeks. THREE WEEKS!!!!!  And I've decided that I need to not train for a week and see if I can get rid of this stuff. I may end up walking the whole cotton pickin' marathon if I don't get this stuff under control. But, God willing, I will be at the starting line of that marathon on October 7th.

It's Been Awhile

I apologize for the my absence!  It's been a whirlwind around here and I'm just trying to keep up with everything!
The  in-laws are in. They came last Thursday and were going to leave on Tuesday. However, on Friday, we shared with them some of the home improvement projects that we were facing and they insisted that they were happy to help/stay/etc. These things need to be done as it does affect our insurance rates, so we took them up on the offer. They said "a couple extra days" but, I knew that with house projects it always turns out to be a bigger job than you anticipate. I don't watch Love It or List It for nothing, you know! We are grateful for all that they are willing to do and all the skills they bring to the table, but lengthy stays can be hard on everyone. So, they've been here a week thus far and I do believe they'll be here through the weekend at least.

One of the jobs was fixing the broken sidewalk. That was done easy-shpeasy with Nate and his stepdad working on it together.

 The next job was to put a railing/fence along the rooftop patio. It was expected to be a one day job and turned out to be a three day job. But, it does look great and we are looking to start a neighborhood watch business for hire as we can see into people's yards, over privacy fences, etc.

The next job is the garage. Oh boy... This is the doozy. Evidently, there is a sink hole in our garage. The driveway sloped into the garage so all the rainwater would rush into the garage, into the low spot, and started washing away the dirt under the garage floor, which at some point in the past whether with the previous owner or the family before her, the garage floor collapsed. Instead of fixing the garage floor, they put rock down to make the collapsed part level with the rest of the garage floor and then poured asphalt over the garage floor. However, they didn't fix the sloping driveway at all, so rainwater continued to rush in.... made a new hole in the floor and here we are. So, Nate's step-dad has cut out the asphalt, removed the rock, cut out the collapsed concrete and some concrete surrounding the area, and is now in the process of digging four feet deep to attach some sort of rod to the foundation and then attach that to some pieces of wood. Then we're going to use dirt, the rock the people so generously donated to our project with their "patch job", and broken up pieces of concrete (from the sidewalk and the collapsed part) to build up the ground again and then pour concrete again..... I think. Nate's step-dad explains it to me and my mouth drops open and my mind stops working at "digging down four feet deep." It sounds to me like they'll still be here at Christmas at the description he gives. This is a picture of the work thus far.

I've also been struggling with Poison Oak. I was weeding the flower gardens a week and a half ago and saw what appeared to me as small saplings growing in our flower bed. They have a pretty strong root system so it took some sweat and strength to pull them out. A few days later I developed a few itchy blistery spots. They didn't itch too bad, but when I looked at it, I assumed I'd gotten poison something!  So, when I looked poison oak up to see what it looked like, it was exactly those small saplings that I had pulled out of the flower bed. It wasn't too major, so I just put Benadryl cream on it and it seemed fine. But then, a patch broke out on my leg, and then on my neck, and there's a small bit along my hairline. Yesterday, my right arm from the elbow down to the wrist (Thank You, God that I was wearing garden gloves when I was pulling those weeds!!!!) is a whole mess o' bumps. My mom had suggested a medicine to get, so now I'm desperately trying to find it. I called the doctor and the triage nurse said they recommend calamine lotion and Aveeno Oatmeal Bath. Really?  I want drugs lady.... NOW!

Redecorating Pics

The guest room is finished, the bathroom has some hardware changes that still need to be completed, but the painting and the new rugs and towels are there. So, here are the widely anticipated pics!

This is taken from the hallway looking into the bathroom

As you can see, one wall is red and the others are white. That gaping hole?  The new mirror and vanity lights will cover that up!

The 16 mile Nightmare

Friday I was to run 16 miles as part of my Chicago Marathon training. I had nightmares leading up to Friday. I was truly dreading this run. One of the main reasons I was dreading it is that I also went caffeine free last week. For those of you who know my normal coffee intake, you will know this is no small feat. Getting through the first day was horribly difficult. I was to run 8 miles that day. I made it 4. My legs felt like lead, my head was pounding fiercely with a withdrawal headache; to put it mildly, I was a mess. I declared myself "sick" and went to bed. The only thing I emerged for was to pick Nate up from work, declare he was in charge of dinner, and after dinner, I literally went straight to bed. No lie, I was in bed at 6:30 pm and I slept the whole night. The next day was much better. The headache was gone but I still felt the "lead" feeling in my legs. Nate wondered if I had mono. So, you can see why I was dreading the 16 mile run. In fact, Friday I ended up cheating. I wanted to reach the 16 mile marker, but I knew I wouldn't make it. Maybe that's part of my problem. I talk myself out of things so easily. I ran 5.5 miles in an hour, which is my standard 11 mph pace. It was tough, but I could've gone longer. However, I decided that I'd bike the rest. And I did. In 40 minutes, I biked over 11 miles. Although I did go a total of 17 miles, I felt like I had gone two steps backward in my training. I'm honestly beginning to freak a bit about the race. I'm a month and two weeks out from it and I feel like I've got such a long way to go. I haven't met my weight loss goals for this training journey. I'm not running like the wind (the fantasy in my head is that I run long graceful strides with my hair flowing long behind me. As you know, I don't even have long hair, so I'm not sure how in the world this fantasy would even remotely become true). But what I need to remember is what I have accomplished. I'm now able to run 5 miles and even 10 miles without breaking into hives. I am stronger now than I ever have been. And, for the marathon, the whole purpose is raising money to take clean water to Africa - not Jenna running long graceful strides with long flowing hair. If I walk some...even a lot....of the race, I'm still there. I'm still participating. I'm still fulfilling my commitment. THAT is what I need to focus on from this point forward. And focusing on that, will help me run that much further and finish the race.

Training/Diet Update

Today I will attempt to run again after resting my shin splint over the weekend. It doesn't hurt anymore, so that's good. However, I've developed some pain in the arches of my feet. Not quite sure what that's about, but as I prepped the guest bedroom for painting yesterday, I crouched down to tape a section of border and when I stood back up horrific pain hit in the arch of my foot. It happened to the other one a bit later and I decided to stretch my legs for awhile.

I'm going to look for a good yoga or stretching dvd to do as I don't think I stretch enough and I really am not well educated in the best stretches to do and the correct technique.

Last night I watched Forks Over Knives and am truly astonished and amazed at it all. It promotes, as does the Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead video, a vegan or "plant-based" diet. Nate and I attempted a vegan diet before. For all of one week. That time, he requested that we give it a try and I put forth my best effort for that week and then found out that he had been eating other food on the side and I quit. This time, (yes, I believe we're going to go for it again) it's for me and I'm bringing him along. He says he'll be happy to eat whatever I cook and he's all for eating right. So, there you have it. Operation Vegan 2 begins next week. I had already gone grocery shopping for this week and feel pretty guilty over wasting the steaks I bought, so that's why we're going to eat one more week of a meat based diet and then switch. It'll also give me a week to do some brushing up on the area of veganland. In last night's video they interviewed several athletes and competitive triathloners that are on and maintain a vegan diet, so I feel comfortable about switching it up before the marathon. In keeping track of the food I eat on myfitnesspal.com, I have noticed that I always am over in the area of daily protein. So, I know that I will be able to get the right kind of protein I need from the plant based diet.

Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead

Nate and I celebrated our 5th anniversary yesterday. I can't believe it's been 5 years. I guess it's true when they say that "time flies when you're having fun!" We were both reflecting over the growth of our relationship and I am so pleased to be able to say that we really have grown closer as the years have passed. I purposely weighed in yesterday morning because I didn't want to  have to worry about what I was eating/the calories I was taking in/etc....which is very good after we ate fried seafood at a New England seafood shack for lunch, had a Bruegger's Bagel sandwich for breakfast, and gelato for dinner. Our initial goal was to go to Mystic, CT and explore the area. When we got there, Mystic was having it's annual art fair. I'm really not sure why this happens, but it seems like no matter where we decide to visit, we end up in the middle of the town art fair. Don't get me wrong, I love art and I find some of the work absolutely exquisite. However, after living in Ann Arbor for 4.5 years and dealing with it having 4 art fairs over a two week span of time, I've learned a few things. #1. I cannot afford anything that is for sale. #2. It isn't nearly as fun to look at art at an art fair when you know there's no way any of it is going home with you. #3. Art fairs normally occur on the hottest, most humid, most chance of precipitation days of the year, so if you are looking for good weather you need to leave the location immediately. We decided to go to the Connecticut Aquarium, which is located in Mystic, and we were surrounded by screaming 3 year olds for the majority of our time. We also learned that the CT aquarium basically has three exhibits that you will pay 5 arms and 6 legs to see: the Beluga Whales (I must say, watching them almost made it worth it), the sea lions, and penguins. That's it. The only one of those three that actually looked like the aquarium put time and effort into creating a nice environment for were the whales. The sea lions and the penguins were in two big swimming pools. It was somewhat disappointing. They did have a traveling exhibit on the Titanic and there were parts that were quite interesting, but I believe I may have mentioned the screaming 3 year olds?? Yeah, their presence was a tad on the distracting side. I can say that being around these children did not cause me to have any motherly pangs at all. I was just thankful to get out of there!  We then went to the Sea Swirl for lunch, which used to be an ice cream stand that they added a sea food shack to as well. Nate got the full belly clams (yeah, I know...it grosses me out too) and I got the shrimp. We are loving the sea food in the Northeast. And we are finding that these road side stands are some of the best places to get it. We decided to drive around some more, since we didn't stay too long in Mystic and we drove to Stonington, which I've decided is my new favorite place in CT. I want to go back there and just walk around. They had cute shops and gorgeous ocean views. They also have a lighthouse museum there. As we continued to drive through, we found out we were only 3 miles away from Rhode Island, so we decided to keep going and drove to  Newport to see The Breakers and the other mansions there. Never again. Well, I say that, but we actually have come up with a plan for when we visit there again. We are going to go early in the morning. We are going to park the car and walk everywhere. We will only drive again once we are ready to leave Newport. The traffic was horrendous! But it was neat how we worked as a team to find a route out of there that helped us avoid as much traffic as possible.

You may be wondering what in the world the title of this post has to do with what I have so far written. If you deduced it has nothing to do with it, you would be right!  However, last night, as we were relaxing, I watched the documentary Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. It was amazing. Joe Cross went on a juice fast for 60 days. He was 309 pounds when he started (I believe that's right) and he lost gobs and gobs of weight. He drove around the US and inspired others to join him. This one man started at 429 pounds and in 10 months he had lost 202 pounds. The documentary basically showed the bodily changes that took place, but you could see the difference in attitude and energy level. The basic philosophy of the juice fast was that your body needs dense nutrition to function properly and we keep filling our bodies with crap. It talked about the difference between micro-nutrition and macro-nutrition. Basically, he ate a raw diet, but in juice form to help his body absorb the nutrients quicker. It helped him detoxify and "reboot" his body. Nate came out at one point to see what I was watching and he say a familiar glint in my eye that should make anyone wary. I told him it was an excellent reminder of what we should be doing and how we should be eating. He patted me on the arm and went back to his computer. I love this man. He encourages me in whatever I want to do. When I said I wanted to run a marathon, he's supported me every step of the way. He's agreed with me that I can spend all this money to sign up for the marathon, he bought plane tickets, bought my Camelbak marathoner vest, etc. and here I am telling him I seriously am considering throwing out all our food, buying a juicer, and giving him only green juice for 10 days. He doesn't say no. He doesn't scoff and say, um, do you recall that you just finished eating gelato? He pats me on the arm and goes back to his happy place (probably internally hoping that the extremity of this plan will deter me). We will see!  I know that with the training I am doing, it is not wise to go on a juice fast at this time. However, this may be something to consider after the marathon... Stay tuned!

Injury

Just yesterday, as I drove Nate to work, I mentioned how so many of the runners that are part of the World Vision marathon team have been injured. Just yesterday I told Nate how important it was for me to make sure I stretch properly to avoid injury. And, just yesterday, while running, I developed (I'm not sure if this "develops" or not, but it's the only word I could think of to describe what happened) a shin splint in my left leg. It's painful, it's achy, it's swollen, and according to the experts what I need to do is "rest" to avoid further compounded injury.  My question is, how in the world do I "rest" when I'm supposed to run 15 miles tomorrow for my long run?  How long do I rest; until there's no pain at all?  If that's so, I won't be getting out of bed each morning! I honesty think I need to start taking yoga or something in addition to my workouts. My muscles tighten up so badly after a run that I literally shuffle around like I'm elderly. Stretching afterward helps some, but not completely. I think I'm going to look into a yoga dvd or something that will help me stretch fully and correctly that I can do each morning and after a run.

Today I begin the redecorating of the bathroom and guest room. Nate's parents are coming to visit over Labor Day, so there's no time like the present to do some painting and redecorating!  I'm pretty excited about it - and will post pictures of the final results!

Two Months Out

In exactly two months I will be in downtown Chicago positioning myself to begin the marathon. I'm in the first heat, so my start time is 7:30 am.

As I look at where I am and where I need to go, I know there are some steep hills to climb to finally reach my goal. The weight loss is the big thing. I really feel that losing the weight will help me to run the race faster and with less chance of injury. However, as I want to  lose 20 pounds by October 7th, there are some major choices and decisions that must be made to get there.

Decision #1: There can't be any "cheat days." I have too far to go to think that "one day won't hurt." I need to see each day as a step toward my ultimate goal and remain disciplined throughout each step.

Decision #2: My training needs to head outside. I've been training in the gym because I haven't really known my way around and haven't known where I can run where I feel comfortable. I need to get used to the elements - running in humidity, running in heat, running in rain and probably most importantly, running on pavement vs. a treadmill. I've mapped out a route and have ordered the "gear" that I believe I'll need to help me with the run.

Decision #3: I've decided to not run a race in September. The reason is that my long runs are continuing to get longer and longer and I need to be running those lengths instead of finding a race to run - which would keep me from running my long runs for that week. My last race is August 18th and it is an 11-miler.

Lack of Progress

I've been feeling great about my training. I feel the difference in my legs and I feel how strong they are becoming. I've gotten into the routine of running two "easy" days, one "hard" day, and one "long" day. My average pace has increased from a 12 minute mile to a 10:30 mile. I see improvements all around - except in the area of weight loss. This past week, I really stuck with it in terms of eating within my caloric goals so that I would lose weight. However, I stood on the scale this morning and I had gained a pound. I was so baffled by the number that stared back at me that I actually weighed myself 4 more times to see if something was wrong.Nothing like getting hit with a ton of bricks four times in a row! That just can't be right, can it? I ran 24 miles this week. 24! I cross trained. I weight trained. How in the world did I gain a pound? When I weighed myself mid week, just to see how I was doing, I was down 3.5 which was much more in line with what I thought I'd lose for the week. And then I look at the last two days of eating and have to realize that every day matters. It was Nate's birthday yesterday. So, Friday night we had Buddy's Pizza. Because I had run 10 miles that day, I was still way under my caloric goal for the day, so I felt ok. Yesterday, for Nate's birthday breakfast, we went out and I did have a massive omelet and pancakes. It was over and above what one should eat for breakfast, but I rationalized that I was having it for breakfast and lunch, as we were going to be volunteering with the church all afternoon. At 12:30 we went to the town green and volunteered at an event until 7:00.  About 3:00 I had a subway sandwich - once again, it was an ok choice when it comes to a dinner choice. I drank water throughout the afternoon. When we got home, I did have the munchies, so Nate made us air popped popcorn and I had two bowls with nothing on it - no butter, no salt, no anything. I was proud of the choice I made and went to bed confident that when I weighed this morning I would see a big loss. Instead, I'm here trying to pick my jaw up off the floor and talk myself back into the fact that I need to stick with what I know and hopefully next week there will be a different result. I need to realize that going "off plan" for one day does make a difference and that it is never worth it. The omelet and pancakes I had yesterday in no way were worth what I'm feeling right now.

The Long Run

I prepared as best I could. I really did. I bought Gatorade, for goodness sake, and I don't even like Gatorade. But, they say ("they" is anyone I've talked to regarding running that has some sort of knowledge that I deem credible) that if you are working out beyond an hour, you need to consider the fact that you need to replace electrolytes and need an energy source. Well, suffice it to say, today I worked out over an hour. In fact, I walked into the gym and stepped on the treadmill at 8 am. I had to restart the treadmill twice (as it only allows a maximum of 60 minutes to be programmed) and I had to stop twice to use the little girls' room. Plus I drank 24 oz. of water and I'm trying to finish up 20 oz. of Gatorade G2 now. I walked out of the gym dripping with sweat at 10:35. I ran 12 miles in 150 minutes...which is SLOW by anyone's standards, but what I want you to focus on is that I ran 12 miles!!!!!  That's a 1/2 marathon baby! I'm getting there!  Now, we can choose to not focus on the fact that when I just walked downstairs after taking a VERY cleansing shower, I declared that it would be the last time I would climb the stairs today and the fact that I have this weird feeling nausea as well as hunger going on right now. How that is possible, I don't know. Hence the fact that I'm trying to drink the G2 and keep it down. And the fact that I'm looking at this grocery list quite doubtfully thinking there's truly no possible way that I'll be able to walk into/through a grocery store, at any reasonable pace and actually make it to pick up Nate at 4:30. But, besides all that, I ran 12 miles!!!!

Just a Blah Day

Yesterday started so well. I ran for 3.35 miles, I had devotions, I did some laundry, and then... it's almost like a switch flipped in my brain and I went "blah." I basically watched tv the rest of the day. Don't get me wrong, I did have a to do list that needed to be accomplished. I had things to keep me occupied. Instead, I watched tv and ate popcorn and felt disgustingly gross the rest of the day. What happened to treating my body as a machine? What happened to the great start I had?

Today, I've got that to do list staring me in the face. I have a 6 mile run to complete, and once again, my Bible reading is really hitting home that I am to treat this life as a race and run with perseverance. (Hebrews 12:1-2). How will this day end?  The "race" I have before me is this day. How will I finish this race? My prayer is that I will "throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and run with perseverance the race marked out for me. I pray that I will fix my eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith.

Timely Read!

I just read this great article in the NY Times. I loved it when Ryan was asked who his coach was and he said, "God." That is an awesome reminder of why I'm running.

Fun Saturday and Weigh In Sunday

As my training has increased exponentially, I'm experiencing side effects that they warned about, yet you say to yourself, that won't happen to me. I haven't ever really been one who sweats a lot. However, I've evidently developed some prolific sweat glands in the last two weeks because I'm sweating like crazy. I did my long run (7.55 miles) last Thursday and near the end I turned my head and droplets of sweat flew off my head and were dripping off the treadmill. I was quite horrified. My ear buds won't stay in my ears because they are too wet, my shirt gets so wet that even after laying it out to dry, it's still damp in the afternoon. It's gross. Plain, nasty gross. I'm not a fan. However, I stood on the scale today, after having a fairly good week of eating right and exercising and I lost 5.4 pounds. That is in one week, people. I'm excited. Part of me wants to qualify it by saying it's water weight, but I feel really good about what I've accomplished. I've worked hard this week, I've had a couple moments of screwed up eating, but other than that, I've done fairly well. So, I take these 5.4 pounds and am motivated to continue.

Yesterday, Nate and I went to the Yale Peabody Museum. They have an exhibit right now called "Big Food." It focuses on obesity and how the foods we eat have changed over the years. They said that the only continent that doesn't have an obesity problem is Sub-Saharan Africa. I thought to myself, "really?  You are going to say Sub-Saharan Africa is our role model?  The reason Sub-Saharan African doesn't have an obesity problem is because they are dying of starvation!"  I thought that was a very poor statement to make. However, it makes me think about our food situation in the world. I honestly believe that there just is absolutely no excuse for there being starving people in the world. No excuse. We have more food than we know what to do with and people are starving?  Another fact that they shared in the exhibit was how much the typical American eats in a year. They said that the average American drinks 45 gallons of soda in a year. That truly astounds me. 45 GALLONS?  They also showed the amount of sugar in different drinks and it almost made we want to throw up. Of course, then I read facts that hit a little closer to home, such as, "the average American eats 8 pizzas in a year" and I think for our household that number would be quite a bit higher. All in all, I enjoyed the exhibit. We saw it right before we went to lunch and we went to Gourmet Heaven where they have a gorgeous salad/fruit bar. And for dessert, we went to Flavors, a self serve frozen yogurt place where you put on your own toppings, etc. It was quite tasty! 

Seeing the Body as a Machine

I was shocked to find out that someone close to me was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes this week. Shocked because this person is the picture of perfect health. He works out regularly and is thin - just not what you picture of someone being diagnosed with such a disease. It certainly was a reminder to me that my body is a machine. It propels us - getting us from one place to another. If a machine is properly cared for, it runs well. It does what it's supposed to do and works efficiently. When it isn't given the correct fuel or cared for, it stops and will eventually break down. The other day I ate like there was no tomorrow. I ate carbs like they were going to be outlawed and I went to bed and woke up the next morning feeling "broken down." I was sluggish and cranky. However, the next day, I ate correct portions and I ate a well balanced diet and I felt great!  I accomplished so much!  It was amazing the difference that I felt just in one day - all because of the way I fueled this machine of mine. In hearing my friend's diagnosis, and with a family history of diabetes stacked against me as well, it is imperative for me to eat clean whole foods and stay away from the processed garbage that so often entices. "Just this once" and "it won't make that much of a difference" are the excuses and negative talk that I hear in my head when I'm tempted to eat the crap. I look at my friend who is now in the process of looking at everything he eats with a critical eye and I realize each choice matters - big and small.

One tool I have found helpful is myfitnesspal.com. I have been using it to keep track of my calorie intake and output. It has been incredibly helpful and if you are looking for a tool to use yourself, I highly recommend it.