I have been struggling with this 20 pounds for quite a while. I have set goals that keep getting moved and adjusted and once again, I'm sitting here looking at the same 20 pounds making itself at home on my frame and once again seeing a goal date passing by. My latest goal was Christmas. I gave myself plenty of time. It was completely doable. As time marched forward, it became more and more a miraculous event that would have to take place and now, I'm resigned to the fact that this 20 pounds and I will welcome 2012 together as well. What is it about this wall that I can't seem to get over? I know it's doable. I've done it before. Where's the willpower? The strength? The determination?
I noticed yesterday that the minute I feel a growl in the stomach (FYI for those of you losing weight, it's a good thing to feel the hunger pains...it means your body will begin to use your fat stores) I panicked and began searching for food. Why panic? Is there really any fear that I will starve to death? I don't think so. Why do I scurry to obey the growl? Why am I not scolding it as you would a whiny person (I wanted to say child, but the last person I heard whine was myself...clearly an adult) and say, "be quiet. You'll be fed soon enough. You aren't going to starve. You have a perfectly great meal planned for later. You have eaten enough to power you through. Deal with it."
I'm searching for motivation. I'm searching for a crack in this wall. I'm searching for a new resolve.